While there are certainly creative people and groups who did their best to utilize systems prior to Halo for Machinima projects to show that their favorite video games some deserved appreciation – the credit for most successful implementation of the technology as far as I and most of the collective internet is concerned – goes to Rooster Teeth for their Red vs. Blue series. Starting in a relatively obscure manner, ironically on April 1, 2003, the series was met with and initial mild success which then exploded into a popularity that is still present to this day. Despite garnering acclaim such as winning four awards held at separate events hosted by the Academy of Machinima Arts & Sciences, the series has continued to this day with little sign of slowing down on the horizon. After all, as funny as the series is, RvB has avoided crippling itself by abstaining from being didactic, which has served in keeping it as relevant, outstanding media despite years of public consumption. Having premiered in the latter half of my teenage years, I have since adopted some of the tenants hidden beneath the awesome, hilarious storyline which are presented haphazardly after the jump.

10. Love can be a rewarding pain in the ass

If the two perennial relationships in the series have taught me anything, without a doubt, it’s that love rarely turns out the way you expect it would. Whilst that isn’t always the worst thing that can happen, it does provide a steady stream of excitement and realistically nothing ever came from a life that was a simple one. The dynamic present between Tex and Church is the relationship that isn’t for the faint of heart. Not because there is a lack of love there, but because there is more than enough love to go hand-in-hand with the hell they constantly give each other. While both of them can take care of most situations on their own – it’s when they’ve had to work together that you get a glance under the proverbial armor, so to speak. Perhaps they know each other too well which is what makes it so incredibly difficult to part ways forever. Either that, or it is just impossible to stay out of the life of someone you can love and think is a total bitch with all your heart at the same time.

As far as Caboose and Sheila – that’s just weird on a parallel level as people who marry inanimate objects. But it certainly is cute – disturbingly cute – but cute all the same.

Memorable Quote: I never said I hated Tex, I just said that she was the reason that we never got married.

9. We only think we sound that smart

When Caboose becomes unusually aggressive thanks to being infected with the diabolically evil O’Malley Artificial Intelligence, Church and Tex are forced to venture into Cabooses’ mind to stop him. What they discover is what I have long since imagined when I read comments on forums across the internet – all of us sound way smarter via our inner-monologue than we actually do when language bursts forth from our word holes. I can perfectly understand some people lacking a filter between their brains and mouths, on occasion, as I’m just as guilty of it as the rest of you. But, if Caboose teaches us anything, Mark Twain said it best, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Memorable Quote: I would not be so sure about that, Mr. Church.

8. Leave Time Travel to Physicists, please.

The timeline exists for reasons – not because of fate – but according to the basic fundamentals of physics anything else is relatively impossible as established by the works of Einstein and Hawking. But, were it possible for a bomb to be constructed that would send everyone standing in front of it to the future and everyone downwind of it into the past – it might create a situation relative to A Sound of Thunder. On the other hand it might create a paradoxical scenario that allows for multiple incarnations of the same person with farcical results. Nevertheless, even the noblest intentions don’t endow anyone, except maybe someone with a PhD in physics, the right to mess up the timeline – no matter how hilarious it might end up being.

Memorable Quote: Does your society have any other adjectives besides ‘great’?

7. Learn a Foreign Language

It doesn’t matter if the need is based on knowing something as simple as communicating with an extraterrestrial lifeform or as complicated as knowing Spanish – bottom line, nothing beats knowing a foreign language in a pinch. Barring that, pretending to know a foreign language can be just as helpful. The inquisitive answer being, that it is better to know when someone or something wants to use your head as a as a punching bag or if their trying to greet and let you know that they want you to carry their child before it actually happens. Real world lessons aside, it’d be nice to know when someone was calling you an idiot – as opposed to just leaving you to guess. Besides, getting repeatedly beaten in ways that don’t seem physically possible simply because of a slight communications error are best avoided – unless they’ll be happening to someone else – then it’s just awesome.

Memorable Quote: Blarg. Honk.

6. Crowds Only Get You Killed

Trying to capturing the flag or following a trend can only lead to you to a detrimental situation that more often than not will end up with you getting your ass kicked or playing the stooge of a maniacally evil villain. While not discounting the old tenant of looking unimportant because the enemy just might be low on ammunition, it does go without saying that in that situation, it is absolutely okay to blend in with a crowd if you’re somewhere near the back. But despite the best efforts of a controlled ‘mob mentality’ as Sarge and Caboose proved, they can be easily swayed if you give them what they want. Even then, a few smashed skulls later, it might even be possible that they’d learn a lesson or two, but probably not.

Memorable Quote: Are there any survivors?…preferably any Red survivors?

5. A Little Self-Depreciation Never Hurts

Pride is one thing and it’s certainly okay to accept that your co-workers, compatriots or even your friends might be downright jackasses willing to sell you out at a moments notice, but that can’t be all bad, right? If there is one thing that Grif taught me over the course of the last several years, it’s that sometimes you have to be willing to grin, bear it and face the music for a the sake of surrender – even if you know that deep down, everyone else is a damn idiot.

Memorable Quote: I would just like to let everyone know…that I suck.

4. Be Nice to Machines. All of Them.

Personally having gone into the Information Technology industry as a day job, the main point of this fact can be clearly visible. I’m not saying that being nice to a machine all the time won’t ever cause it to get viruses, fall apart or encounter a blue-screen of death – but it will certainly make it a lot easier to swallow when it finally does decide to crap out on you. Patience aside, characters like Lopez, Sheila, Andy and Gary have all been the inspiration behind this lesson. Of course, Lopez eventually just becomes a disembodied head and Sheila is a tank that wouldn’t think twice about disengaging her auto-lock if you toyed with her the wrong way, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings – or rather feelings enough to leave in an attempt to start their own Robot Army. As far as Gary, you have to be pretty understanding with a machine that was built to deal with the Shisno menace along with Andy, a sentient bomb that has an attitude to match his explosive personality. Suffice to say, machines may not always work right, but do you really want to risk being on the wrong side of a robot uprising?

Memorable Quote: Do I look like I’m kidding?

3. Always call Shotgun

Always.

Memorable Quote: Shotgun!

2. Don’t. Touch. Anything.

Yes – that shiny button or glowing object might be of amazingly intriguing interest to you and I’m sure it might be all but a small part of your quest or objective. Whether or not it might explode or cause you to get your head handed back to you on a silver platter may cause you to error on the side of caution. Certainly by passing up on such things, it might limit the amount of potential adventures, picking up chicks or making it safely back to Blood Gulch, however, that means it was probably a smart move to begin with. If in doubt, put your hands in your pockets, leave them there and wait until everything seems like it might be alright.

Memorable Quotes: Oh that’s just vaporware and you know it!

1. Always Have a Backup Plan

I don’t care if you think the first plan will go off without a hitch and a ‘Plan B’ seems unnecessarily superfluous. The people who fail first are the one’s who had a ‘Plan B’ while the people who have everything up through ‘Plan Z’ and then some are the one’s who come out on top, no matter what. Sure, sometimes it’s okay to improvise and that situation will surely present itself on more than one occasion, but why should you? If you prepare for any eventuality, then you’ll be a little less surprised each time one crops up. After all, why have one Zombie Plan when you can have 37?

Memorable Quote: There are two kinds of people in the world Doc, those who have a plan prepared for when the Zombies take over the world and those who don’t.